"Harvard's Veritas Revocation: A Purge of Political Pretenders"
A Short Short-Story about the Fairness Doctator Gittin' Thangs Back to Reality
In a shocking move, Harvard University has revoked the diplomas of alumni deemed guilty of straying from the gravitational center of inner truth, or veritas. The esteemed institution's bold decision has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of power, disqualifying a slew of politicians and officeholders from their positions.
As the news broke, Washington D.C. was thrown into chaos. Elected officials scrambled to produce their diplomas, only to find them null and void. The sound of shredding paper and deleted emails filled the air.
Senator Terd Crudd, once a proud Harvard Law graduate, was spotted frantically searching for his diploma in a last-ditch effort to prove his veritas credentials. Alas, it was too late. His office was promptly vacated, and he was forced to return to his pre-politics career as a debate team coach.
Meanwhile, a slew of Harvard-educated White House staffers found themselves suddenly unqualified for their roles. The West Wing was left in disarray, with aides scrambling to find new jobs that didn't require a Harvard degree.
As the dust settled, America began to rebuild on a foundation of reality. Without the burden of Harvard-educated politicians, the country was finally able to tackle pressing issues with a clear and level head.
The effects were immediate. Climate change legislation passed with ease, as former deniers were no longer able to peddle their falsehoods. Economic policies were rewritten to benefit the many, not just the privileged few. And the phrase "alternative facts" was forever banished from the political lexicon.
In the end, Harvard's bold move proved that even the most esteemed institutions can be agents of change. And America, finally free from the shackles of veritas-avoiding politicians, was able to embark on a bright new future, guided by the power of truth and the wisdom of the ages.